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Rowan Mangan

Writer. Mom. Wild Inventurer.

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So Much to Tell You

August 28, 2018

It’s a little house on a hundred acres of oak forest. A canyon built like a cradle where, over 31 months, I’ve clambered, climbed and connected.

I fell in love here.

Today has been my last day on the ranch. We’re moving 3000 miles across the country to another forest and another home, starting tomorrow.

Leaving this place is saying an extended goodbye to a kind, gentle, and lavishly generous friend.

Tonight, Marty and I walk the property, marveling as though for the first time at the way the sun slides golden up the hillsides in the evening. We crunch oak leaves beneath our feet. We track a bear by the road.

When we return home, small lights brighten the path to our house and there’s a happy glow inside. Our family’s in there. The dogs streak ahead because they’ve sensed their Karen is nearby. What greater cause for celebration? Inside, they’ll leap and grin and tell her, “What things we’ve seen! We have so much to tell you!”

I’ve moved a lot in my life, but  leaving a place has never felt quite like this. I’ve never felt the land love me back like it does here.

Tomorrow the morning light will slide down the canyon wall and illuminate the valley. I won’t be here, but that moving strip of gold and the smells and sounds of the place are going nowhere. They’re timeless. They’re mine.

Karen and I will climb into Sappho the Sapphire Subaru, along with Bilbo Baggins and Claire, in the early morning and embark on a new life. Slide eastward across the continent, towards dawn.

I don’t know what we’ll find on our journey, before we meet up with Adam and Marty in our new home town. But the journey is a place all of its own, and we’ll arrive shouting, “What things we’ve seen! We have so much to tell you!”

See you on the road, folks. Thanks for reading.

This article originally appeared on Rowan’s Wild Inventures substack newsletter. To subscribe and get all Rowan’s posts in your inbox, head over to Wild Inventures on substack now. 

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Filed Under: Loving Inventures, Parenting inventures Tagged With: North Star Ranch, road trip, saying goodbye

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mary Walker says

    August 28, 2018 at 4:43 am

    That’s a lovely way to say goodbye. Safe travels to you all.

    • rowan says

      September 27, 2018 at 5:29 pm

      Belated thanks, Mary!

  2. MaryAnn Lowry says

    August 28, 2018 at 4:53 am

    Safe travel thoughts and prayers for you and Karen. I don’t know what your path will be to your new home. My son Ross and I did a road trip to DC from Texas. While he drove I looked up local diners or restaurants along our route. Met great people and had such a great time enjoying the beauty. You will collect more stories for your memory treasure bank. Delicious light writing awaits.

  3. Tricia Elliott says

    August 28, 2018 at 5:13 am

    Beautiful, Ro. Much love and safe passage.
    xoxo

  4. Paula M Keogh says

    August 28, 2018 at 10:13 am

    Hi Ro,
    So much love in this post. Farewells pull on the heart strings and remind us of the good memories we’ve made – and point to the intriguing unknown future. The photos are beautiful. Ultreya!

  5. Lara says

    August 28, 2018 at 11:01 am

    It’s a beautiful drive East, into all the new beginnings. Anytime you see a shabby diner or food stop with lots of cars in the parking lot, that’s the place to eat. Follow the locals.

  6. Anisha Imhasly says

    August 28, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Safe travels Rowan, what a moving tribute to a place that has loved you so well.

  7. Kimberly Kyle Gilligan says

    August 28, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    Your family gives me immeasurable insight into choosing paths for ourselves. We get to create our own journeys and stir the pot of our own sought after magic. I find delight in all of you. Exciting indeed!

  8. Jessica Waite says

    August 28, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    What a beautiful way to honour this place. Sending love as you say goodbye to your home. Looking forward to tales of your adventures from the road.

  9. Donna says

    August 28, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    Truly beautiful Ro! I could smell the air and feel the depth of connection! Safe travels.

  10. Sean Mangan says

    August 29, 2018 at 4:12 am

    Safe and vivid travelling, my love. xxxxxx

  11. Christina Lawler says

    August 29, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    “I’ve never felt the land love me back as it does here”

    What a gorgeous line. I can’t wait to feel this way someday!!

  12. Melissa Pratt says

    August 30, 2018 at 3:41 am

    Have a wonderful road trip! Some of my best times ever were on road trips…

    May you find unexpected delights in the way and a place you’ll adore at journey’s end…

  13. Eliza Tipping-Smith says

    August 30, 2018 at 10:38 am

    So georgeous ♡

  14. Cami Pack says

    August 31, 2018 at 1:28 am

    “I’ve never felt the land love me back like it does here.” <3 <3 <3 Safe journey, Ro!

  15. Freyja Swan-Utsman says

    September 1, 2018 at 11:29 pm

    notes…
    So glad you got to experience “California” in the most beautiful way.
    As the season turns, it seems a perfect time to transition.
    Releasing and turning toward the new with love and beloveds.

  16. Amanda says

    September 4, 2018 at 9:37 am

    Oh beautiful Rowan. I feel all the feels reading this. Go well love and look forward to going along for the ride on your words. X Amanda

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    June 12, 2019 at 12:32 am

    what lovely things indeed!
    joy takes such courage, I quiver reading your post
    My reply, this humble bow

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On this episode of Bewildered, we’re talking about On this episode of Bewildered, we’re talking about the tendency to search for “happily ever after”—that mythical destination where everything will be fine, life will be manageable, and things will stay still and perfect.

The thing is, while we’re “consciousness in a meat suit” for the short duration that we’re playing this game of life, there is only one destination—and we’re already there.

The destination is this exact moment because honestly, where else are you ever going to go? Have you ever not been in the present moment? This is it!

There’s a security people think they’ll get once they have:

💍 the perfect marriage or
💰 the full bank account or
🏋🏼‍♀️ the ideal body

But when you look at any present moment, all you have to do is open the aperture of your attention and go, “Oh yeah, I’m okay. I’m here. This is the best it’s ever going to get.”

To learn how to stop obsessing on being perfect, how to trust-fall into the present, and how to find perfection in the now, join us for the full conversation!

🎧 You can listen to Bewildered episode 136: Are We There Yet?, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app.
On this episode of Bewildered, we realized somethi On this episode of Bewildered, we realized something wild: In the game of life, we’re all obsessed with the score.

The point about the score is that it’s a number, and that’s certain. The score at the end of the game is something we can understand. Good or bad, it’s done now. It’s a very left-brain-dominated thing: Measure it, count it, and it’s over.

We’re all here for the game, but we get into a froth where all we can fixate on is the score at the end. And it’s so crazy because what we fear above all else is the moment when the game is over—our own death—and yet we’re just waiting until the game is over to actually live.

What are we all rushing toward, and why? Join us for the full conversation and find out!

🎧 You can listen to Bewildered episode 136: Are We There Yet?, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app.
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🛟 Then I’ll feel safe.
🔐 Then I’ll feel secure.
🎯 Then I’ll feel sure.

There’s a baseline uncertainty and insecurity we’re convinced will cease once we hit a certain designated point—whether it’s a relationship, a kitchen renovation, or a bank balance.

And it’s so interesting when you actually interrogate that idea. It really is like the fairytale will be complete, the music will swell, the camera will pan out—because this is the “happily ever after.” There’s something very childlike in that. 🏰

It’s heavily culturally fortified, too. Every rom-com you watch—boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl gets chewed up by a wheat thresher, girl goes to hospital, boy finds her—they always end up together, and then it’s perfect and okay. And all the problems have stopped.

We all do this at different times, in one way or another. The question we’re pondering on this Bewildered is: Are we there yet?

🎧 You can listen to Bewildered episode 136: Are We There Yet?, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app.
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We’re trying to break the cultural story that says We’re trying to break the cultural story that says, “If you work, you’ll be just all right—as long as you keep working. If you don’t work, you’ll die.” ☠️

That’s the loop we’re all caught in, often without noticing it. In this episode of Bewildered, we’re looking at how to remember to step off the rotating stage and actually look at the story.

When we look at something as magnificent as the Broadway show Hadestown, we’re watching the story we’ve been told be made into art—something that lifts it far beyond the prosaic, everyday context of work and survival.

Art itself is a category that can excite our psychology and inspire us toward something new.

Remembering death or mortality is not the only way to step out of cultural conditioning around work. We believe we can also be inspired, enchanted, and invited into a different way of being and a new consciousness. ✨

Join us for this conversation to find out more!

🎧 You can listen to Bewildered episode 135: Hadestown and the Mythology of Work, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app.
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The personal is political. The garlic is groomed.

#gardening #garlicharvest #homegrownfood
“Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting time “Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting time on this? What’s it for?”

That’s the “culture worm” talking... 🐛

Culture says everything we do has to be for something: for prestige, power, wealth, and status. Even practicing an instrument becomes preparation for a moment that has to exist.

On this episode of Bewildered, we’re asking: What if that moment doesn’t have to exist?

What if you can just keep getting better and better, not for anyone or anything, just for the moment and the sound of the notes?

Tune in for the full conversation to hear about cultivating the play vibe, living in the present moment, and breaking free from culture worms to pursue what you love.

You can listen to Bewildered episode 133: Playing Without Performing, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app. 🎧
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Emphasis on playing.

Somewhere along the way, the “culture worm” gets in there and stops us from doing things for their own sake. We stop playing and start performing, even when there’s no one watching.

On this episode of Bewildered, we’re dissecting what it means to reclaim the play in whatever you do. Come play with us! ✨

You can listen to Bewildered episode 133: Playing Without Performing, access the show notes, and find links to resources on our website at the link in our bio—or on your favorite podcasting app. 🎧
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No matter how introverted we are, we just keep landing back in community because it’s never supposed to be self-sufficiency. It’s always supposed to be interdependence.

You can have a part yourself that makes the art, and you can have other parts that do other stuff, but you can also externalize those things to actual other people.

We can help each other. What a concept. 🤯

The culture’s monetization of everything often makes us forget that it doesn’t always have to be a transaction. It can just be a favor.

We saw this happen at our Pure.Wild.Self retreat in Costa Rica. There were twenty-five people there, and Liz Gilbert stopped by one day, and the whole thing turned into people rejoicing in each other’s genius.

Person after person connecting with someone whose joy would help them make their joy into something sustaining. They were trading passions, trading specialties. It was a little village of 25 people, just bursting with interdependence.

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A friend of ours said it best. When Ro asked her what was pushing her to her desk every day to finish her book, she looked up and said: “Well, I’m really looking forward to getting paid.”

It was such a great cut-the-bullshit, cut-all-the-highfalutin-stuff moment.

One way of tricking yourself so that you can move toward the money thing and not get stopped by the switch into “I have to do a job now!” panic, is this: Just make something. Anything.🧶

To hear more about the hacks, tricks, and reframes for getting more of what you love into your life, join us for the full conversation!

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